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Thursday, May 08, 2008

Is there a way to tell if your cats are insane?

An hour and a half ago, when I came home, my cats were at it. Within 15 minutes of my return, they had a fur flying fight! After the fight, they backed away from each other, one under a chair, one under the couch, and proceeded to growl and howl at each other.

Now this has been going on for well over a year, and my patience has worn dangerously thin. The sounds they make are worse than chalk on a chalkboard (which doesn't bother me, so it's not real apt, but you know), and I just can't get them over it! So today, I squirted Fenix, who was being the most demonstrative, right in the face. Over and over again...every time he started the growling. Finally, he stopped. His face soaking wet. So what does he do? He comes out from under the chair, cleans the water off his face (amazing ability, this) and then pads over for some lovin from me as if nothing just freaking happened.

Ten minutes after that, he joined Cougar on their tree and CUDDLED WITH HIM. THEY ARE STILL SLEEPING TOGETHER, LIKE A PAIR OF LOVERS AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT BECAUSE THIS GOES ON VIRTUALLY EVERY FREAKING DAY AND THEY'RE LIKELY TO HAVE ANOTHER SCREAMING/SLASHING FIGHT BEFORE MORNING.

If this sounds like a pathetic scream for help, it is.

14 comments:

Sumocat said...

Your cats sound pretty normal to me. If they start acting civil and stable, then you'd better worry.

Clifford said...

But this is after, like six years of harmony, man. Six years of no fighting (except for little hissy fits) and lots of mutual respect. I want that back. I demand it back!

Charles Gramlich said...

You can't change cats, you can only change yourself. Do not try to bend the spoon, only realize that the spoon is two cats.

calendula-witch said...

It's easy: YOUR CATS ARE INSANE. Okay? :-)

I mean, they're awesome and all, but they're quite insane.

Thomas M. Sipos said...

Or maybe they're not really fighting -- they're plotting against you!

"I'm bored."

"I know, let's screw with Chris!"

"Sounds fun. But how?"

"Hmmm. Let's pretend we're angry and fight."

"Hey, yeah! And then let's act all friendly, so he won't know what to think!"

"Ha, ha, meow, meow, ha!"

Thomas M. Sipos said...

Oops. I meant, Cliff.

Clifford said...

lol, your story had me going until you derailed it with that name slip up!

I had a friend in high school who always called me "Clifton". At my high school graduation, I finally asked him why he called me that. He siad, "Isn't that your name?" That was the last time I ever saw him...

Thomas M. Sipos said...

Well, Clifton is not such a slip-up. It's the "proper" form of Cliff. Much like Thomas is the proper form of Tom.

In fact, Clifton sounds so much more literary than Cliff. No wonder you write horror!

Now, if you were to write a "literary" novel, you must definitely use Clifton, along with your middle initial.

What is your middle initial? Let's go with R. That has a good, literary ring to it. A real "woody" letter, as Monty Python might say.

A Deep Gray Fog Enshrouds My Golden Gate: San Francisco Ruminations, by Clifton R. Brooks.

Yes, that sounds very literary! A definite Pushcart Award contender!

Now collect your blog postings into one book, send them to a POD publisher, under that title, -- then head out to those coffee house readings!

Clifford said...

Tommy,

Interesting enough, the few Cliffs I've met in my life (for some reason, we're a rare breed) have all been "Cliffords" rather than "Cliftons". Back in the 80s, my name was popular in television, oddly enough (Cliff Huxtable, Cliff on Cheers, etc.), but in real life, not so much.

As for my Pushcart award, yeah, I'm right there, buddy. Maybe you could be my literary representative or agent, because I'll likely need one if I'm going to self-publish my words here. After all, in the year or so I've been doing this thing, I think I've picked up one new reader! Lol! Talk about your vanity projects (:

Thomas M. Sipos said...

"Tommy" -- argh!

A woman once asked me, "Do you prefer Tom or Thomas?"

I said, "I don't care which, as long as it's not Tommy."

Ever since, she called me "Tommy."

I don't think she was being mean. I think she genuinely misunderstood. She'd heard me, but wasn't paying much attention. So she only heard me say "Tommy."

I hate "Tommy."

Next think, you'll start calling me Tommy Boy.

Then I'll have to start calling you Cliffy. Or The Cliffmeister.

========

But seriously, your blog postings are good, in a literary sense. Other readers have said so.

I realize that doesn't mean there's a market for it. But there could be, if only you had (1) an MFA in creative writing, or better yet, a PhD, and (2) some literary publishing contacts (which is why many people attend MFA pyramid scheme classes in the first place).

I call them pyramid schemes, because most MFA creative writing students plan to teach MFA creative writing classes after they graduate.

Clifford said...

Hey Mr. T,

I was "Cliffy" until my voice changed...and beyond. In fact, one of the cousins I hadn't seen in decades called me that at a funeral ... so I know the pain of the cutification of one's name. Heh! So if you decide to call me that in a childish attempt at retribution for my childish use of Tommy, cool (: Childishness has its charms.

And thanks for the comments on the blog...I've had fun doing it SOLELY because I've treated it more as a stream-of-consciousness experiment...if I thought this stuff out, or planned it, it wouldn't be that interesting to me. I've pulled out my laptop at bus stops, in the cold, warming my hands on the palm rest because I just had to stream right then and there, because I was in that space. When I'm lucky, I've even been able to snag an errant open wifi connection and let the ideas fly in near real time. I always have to go back and edit the most egregious typos, but for the most part, I leave the meaning and the thought alone. This is not about making it pretty -- that would take too much time and ruin the whole feeling of immediacy and raw honesty I'm going for. And besides, I love hanging out with the subconscious.

The fact that there are a few people who check in with this blog amuses me to no end. Thanks for indulging me.

Carlos Ferrao said...

Maybe they just want their balls back? I'd be pissed too.

Clifford said...

Hey, there are times when I.ve thought I'd be better off without my balls...they should thank me!

Clifford said...
This comment has been removed by the author.

About Me

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This is me and one of my two cats. His name is Cougar, and he’s an F1 Chausie. A chausie is a new breed of cat under development. Chausies are the result of a cross between a domestic cat (in Cougar’s case, a Bengal) and a jungle cat (Felis Chaus). Cougar’s mom is 8 pounds and his father is a 30-pound jungle cat. He’s about 16 pounds, super intelligent, spirited, and toilet trained. A writer without a cat (or two) is not to be trusted.